Current 93 – Berlin 2006

c93_aobadge.gif Current 93, Baby Dee and Pantaleimon at the Volksbühne, Berlin.
“To attend at a concert of Current 93 may not be a good idea if you are not of a pure heart or if you are missing someone special. Nevertheless, I did.” A highly personal account…

Sunday, the 28th of May 2006
There were two concerts, one on Sunday and one on Monday. Sunday’s concert started quite punctual at half past eight. Every one of the three acts started the show with an instrumental, even if those of the master himself was a constant loop of a well-known tune sounding like Jean Michel Jarre or something like that, very loud, and ought to be annoying. So it did. While Pantaleimon may be called interesting and very nice, indeed a great Baby Dee foretold the rest of this emotional night by shouting with a smile “I am not here to fucking make you happy.” You have to like her.

But then, when HE entered the stage, wearing a wrinkled-up jacket and a summer hat, the stage, the night, the hearts were his. At least mine was, but I may be called a maniac. Never mind. It went to be a long, long night before he ended after some encores with “This empire is nothing”. Although the pianist seemed to have forgotten the notes of a specific song Tibet wanted to play, it all was sounding great. Honestly, it would be hard to tell if there’s any difference in his voice compared to the already released versions of those songs.

For me, this concert was like finally, finally meeting someone who for years has played an important role in your life and who has been there so many times when things went great or turned out so damn sad. Cannot count the times I listened to “Soft Black Stars” and finally this all became real and it’s not only sounding like the voices in your head but also there is this man in front of the audience, kind of dancing, screaming, crying.

The first songs gave me constant shivers and I thought this might go on. Yet it was a good feeling, warm and emotional, deep inside me. But more and more I slipped into the very emotional scenery and began to feel nothing and then it came to the point when he who has a pure heart will feel like home. But he who is sad inside, he who knows that there’s someone missing on that damn place that still is empty right beside, he will feel like something in the middle of his stomach is growing, more and more.

In the beginning it feels like nothing, emptiness:emptiness:emptiness. And then it hits those who are vulnerable. With every song they played, he told anyone who was listening that there is something like love, that there has to be something to be called destination and that everything can be in the right place. We all knew there might be something like this … but he, this mighty, mighty wizard, showed us, told us, made us feel what it’s all about. I haven’t cried for years now. Nearly did, nearly did. Was wonderful. Was scaring. Was like knowing everything about the thing you ever wanted, and then losing it. Was like waking up from that perfect dream, constantly.

When after midnight the empty house released me into the still warmish streets of this ceaseless city, I felt the weight of this world on my shoulders and had to walk for an hour through the quiet and dark rows of houses. Slowly, I recover.
Don’t get me wrong: it was an overwhelming, fantastic, beautiful and fascinating event, in remembrance of which we will stand this constant struggle called “everyday life” one more day.
I just didn’t dare to attend the concert at the very next day once more.